I've contracted a headache
Half from natural cause, the other half from thinking too much.
So many things I could work up to, but when I consider the outcome for the long run,
I am discouraged, because the would all be in vain, and either way, would be empty.
Some things are not worth trying for.
I embrace that truth, because it often saves me from investing too much into one thing.
I won't give any examples, because it would leak insecurity quite vigorously.
Others may just make me vulnerable.
Others may relate to people I care about.
Not directly, of course, but in the end, the purpose of some tasks are to impress or interest others.
I often fabricate the outcomes in my head just to see the end.
It does save me...
Maybe I'm scared of trying...
Not because of the effort, but because of the time I'd lose...
Not to mention, all of the devotion to a particular thing...
Monday, July 4, 2016
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Where the Wild Things Are
Have any of you ever read the book "Where the Wild Things Are"?
I swear, it ruined my life.
The first time I read it was in 3rd grade, and it wasn't what the book said, by any means.
It was actually decently written, but the colors told a different story.
Now, I don't want to ruin anyone's childhood, however, the colors used in that book were so dreary, it took a toll on me.
Until that point, my life felt vibrant, and I saw the world with color, but when I read that book, the rest of my day and frankly my life/childhood was very drab.
From then on, all I saw was gray. The world was dark to me. There were no other colors that were bright, and I don't know if it's just me, or maybe it was my innocence, I don't know. Something left me that day, and that was my first taste of what depression was like.
I wish I could travel back in time to stop me from reading it. Maybe time would be all I was buying, but either way, I feel like I would've somehow had more hope and joy.
Maybe it's just me, but man, that sucked. Sucked the life right out of me.
I swear, it ruined my life.
The first time I read it was in 3rd grade, and it wasn't what the book said, by any means.
It was actually decently written, but the colors told a different story.
Now, I don't want to ruin anyone's childhood, however, the colors used in that book were so dreary, it took a toll on me.
Until that point, my life felt vibrant, and I saw the world with color, but when I read that book, the rest of my day and frankly my life/childhood was very drab.
From then on, all I saw was gray. The world was dark to me. There were no other colors that were bright, and I don't know if it's just me, or maybe it was my innocence, I don't know. Something left me that day, and that was my first taste of what depression was like.
I wish I could travel back in time to stop me from reading it. Maybe time would be all I was buying, but either way, I feel like I would've somehow had more hope and joy.
Maybe it's just me, but man, that sucked. Sucked the life right out of me.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Is Honesty the Best Policy?
In all honesty, those voices in my head telling me to End it all are pretty convincing debaters. I really hope they don't get the upper hand at this point, but I'm tired of trying. My mask of lies has done quite the work hiding my feelings too. Frankly, I don't really care anymore. This is getting to hard to take in. Soak in. Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop... So many people against me, it seems. Don't try to convince me otherwise. Don't contact me either. I don't want sympathy, I don't want reassurance, and I sure as hell don't want to go back to counseling.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)