Red Tatoos

Someone please tell me why I trust a blade to make me bleed,
Yet, I can't trust myself to wake up in the morning fine.
Much less, alive.
I can say sorry all I want,
But that can't distract from the inflicted realities
Rivaling my very personality.
Change change change change change change change.

You could be ______.    ***
You should be ______.   ***
Why do you ______?      ***
You should try ______.    ***
You'd be a better person if _______.     ***
You should focus on _______.               ***

Two be honest I lose count to where it doesn't matter. 
That's not the defining point.
I'm in war. Everyday. 
Everyday is a struggle.
It's a nuisance to wake up.
I've been so sleep deprived I'm not me anymore.
I'm ready die and let [my legacy, however small] live.

"You say this is a suicide?
I say, this is a WAR.
(And I'm losing the battle)
Man down... MAN DOWN!"