New YouTube Channel!

I have a YouTube channel now for music! You should check it out! It already has content, because I forgot to post it on here in the first place. Subscribe if you like it!



https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1htJu5L1Bz75s3RJvVWC7A

Laundry

My mom came in and said clean my room
I told her the obvious, I'm living in filth
Little did she know I wasn't talkin' 'bout clothes
I was speaking of the guilt and the shame I wear

I wanted out of my head
No more analyzing
Wanted to clear the air
Pain is tantalizing

So what, I'll die alone. Alright.

Untitled

Life.
You disgusting entity.
You leave me barren where joy once resided.
You rip me up, tear me apart.
You bring me to my knees.
You scar me beyond comparison,
Yet you don't have the common decency to show me the end of your blade.
You keep me alive to watch me struggle for your own enjoyment.
I'd sooner face death than choose you.
My final destination is greater than your purpose.

Acceptance Speech

I'm the one, I'm the one
With my hands around the gun,
I am not afraid, I am not afraid.

I'm the one, I'm the one
With my hands around the gun,
I am not afraid, I am not afraid.

So what I'll die alone.
Alright.

-DGD

I'm fantastic. Wbu?

I've let my mind wander the last couple of days
In the midst of the thoughts, I find I'm caught in a haze
Just this morning, I thought I hit rock bottom,
But I guess my brain cells are just acting what I taught 'em
I've been the worst influence on my own head
And it's been easy to tell myself that I'm already dead

Just last night I told that to a friend
And they claimed my pain marks that it's not my end
I told them that you're dead in hell and can still feel hurt
The earth sure isn't heaven, because my joy doesn't work

This Post Serves as a Waste of Space, Like Me.

Swallow my heart along with my pride
I've made my mistakes, but it's hard to decide
Whether or not
To confront all my demons
They're so good at hiding, yeah, I cannot see them

Drown us In Disease
You can't Afford To leave
Take my faded breaths
Don't give in to death

You promised you'd stay, don't take back your word
You said I'd be with you, but now I'm not sure
Whether or not
You'd be here, by my side
Well now I've decided

Discours d'acceptation

La fissure dans l'escalier je fumais de l'ennui. Ma cuisine est remplie avec de la viande et Cloroform. Tortiller couleurs, métastaser. Après avoir vu le monde, le fœtus mange ses propres yeux.

Loneliness (So it Goes)

I feel like all my friends are slowly leaving me.
Just one thing after another places a facade over what used to be my happiness.
Like see the world through rose colored lenses, but suddenly, realizing how many things are going wrong.
It's so hard to tell what's going right, because I'm no longer counting breathing as "right".
It gets harder every day.
I've taken those pills of sympathy others have fed me, but I think I'm about to throw them back up.
I'm disgusted at myself as I look in the mirror.
A face worthy of God turning from, no doubt.
But I digress.

I feel my fiends and I distract ourselves with various things in this world.
Getting closer to the future only brings me pain.
I used to fear the idea of going to a four year and getting a job,
However, I then realized that I was only trying to wish away the inevitable.
I'm losing my friends.
I know I am.
So is thinking about it only trying to wish away the inevitable?
I hope there's a point where if, by chance, everything is stripped from me,
My life follows;
Voiding my existence beyond reasonable means of explanation.
Your soul can never die, but a memory can.
Once ou leave your body, you live on in the memories of others,
But eventually they die.
Perhaps one die everyone who ever knew me will die, and I will no longer enter the minds of any individual.
Perhaps one day I won't even be a memory.
Just a theory; not even and idea, but a possibility.
I will be legend.
Not because people pass me down through story,
But that in which is changed throughout time.
Stripped beyond recognition.
You can replace every part of a car,
But after every part of the car is replaced,
The old car is no more.
So will I be in the future. (Give or take a hundred years or so, given I'm ever married)

I feel this is already happening, though.
I don't want knew friends.
I want my old ones back.
But each one I feel has talked to me less,
But at this point if they saw this and decided to talks to me,
I would feel less inclined to respond.
After all, I hate sympathy.
I spit it out like the Lord spits out lukewarm Christian nature.

We all die, so it goes.

Unturtled

Erm mer Gerd... Lerf ers ser herd cuz er erm er perkle. Mer erQ ers verry berd, bercerse er der nert er brern. Er erm verry sterpid. Er wernt ter der... Drerk blearch.

Ther ernd.

Fear

Anyone want to guess my deepest fear?
I'll let you know if you get it right.
But honestly it might keep me from sleeping at night.
Give it a shot,
And give me a shout.
I'll tell you what my fear is all about.

Reckless Abandon

Not what it actually means.

I feel like I'm going nowhere fast, with no direction, though.
I'm spinning out, just waiting for the crash,
But I feel like the impact already happened.
Time is just frozen, so it repeats itself because it can't and won't go forward.
I'm stuck recalling my crash.
Forced to live in the fear of what happens when i resume and feel the aftermath.
I've crashed many times before, but I don't know when I'll go through the windshield.
My car has no seat belts.

Abandoned is the other half.
Not God forsaken, of course,
But I feel like I have a lack of friends.
(The irony coming from an introvert)
I guess my logic of having so little, but strong friends is flawed,
Because I never deduced what happens when I lose them,
Or worse: they lose me.
I'm starting to resent the shell of me.

Red Tatoos

Someone please tell me why I trust a blade to make me bleed,
Yet, I can't trust myself to wake up in the morning fine.
Much less, alive.
I can say sorry all I want,
But that can't distract from the inflicted realities
Rivaling my very personality.
Change change change change change change change.

You could be ______.    ***
You should be ______.   ***
Why do you ______?      ***
You should try ______.    ***
You'd be a better person if _______.     ***
You should focus on _______.               ***

Two be honest I lose count to where it doesn't matter. 
That's not the defining point.
I'm in war. Everyday. 
Everyday is a struggle.
It's a nuisance to wake up.
I've been so sleep deprived I'm not me anymore.
I'm ready die and let [my legacy, however small] live.

"You say this is a suicide?
I say, this is a WAR.
(And I'm losing the battle)
Man down... MAN DOWN!"

My Medical Romance

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

     The heart monitor beeped in its rythmical intervals.
It was the only thing breaking the silence between the coma patient and Tracy.
She flipped through the pages in her clipboard, sighing as she wrote down
the state of the patient.

      "No... Change... In... Physical... Or mental... State... There. Done.", she wrote down her
analyzation under the notes section.
"Nurse Simmons", said Tracy's superior,
"When you're done here, please go replace the IV drop for Mr. Alexander."
"Sure thing.", Tracy responded as she finished writing her notes.

      She walked down the hall to the cancer treatment center,
looking in each room as she passed, and halted at room 209 with the name "Alexander" under the room number.
She entered the room with a smile, and Mr. Alexander greeted her with a smile as well.
"And how are we feeling today Mr. Alexander?", asked Tracy.
"Please, call me Collin, and like I don't have cancer anymore!", he said jokingly still smiling.
"Funny, Mr. Ale-"
"Collin.", he added, stopping her midsentence.
"Collin", she smiled again,
"Unfortunately, no. We will have to continue your luekemia treatment going.".
His smile slowly turned in into a frown, but quickly redirected into a grin.
"Right. So how was your day?", Collin asked,
"Nothing special, thank you for asking.", the nurse said checking his charts.
"Nothing special?". He pretended to flip his non-existent hair. "Really?", he then said winking.
She laughed rolling her eyes and the room went silent as she wrote something on the clipboard.
He stopped smiling for what seemed like a good 60 seconds before he asked her,
"How long before I can leave,Tracy?".
She frowned.
"Hard to say. Cancer is unpredictable. However, I'm sure you'll be fine.", she said trying to avoid painful eye contact.
"You've been my nurse for years, and I greatly appreciate that, but you are terrible at lying!", he said chuckling.
She looked up, shrugged and grabbed an IV bag to replace the near empty one beside his hospital bed.
He interrupted the silence. "Would you go out with me?".
She what she was doing frozen in place for a few seconds, the said,
"Collin. You know you're hospitalized, right?". She continued to replace the bag.
"I'm talking about after I'm out of this God forsaken bed.
You said you were confident that I'll be fine.", he said looking at her somewhat sarcastically.
She paused for a moment to ponder the question.
"I'll consider it.", she told him as she made a playful smirk.
He leaned back onto his pillow smiling. "Alright.... Allllright...".

      "My gosh... That's so... Cheesy. Very stereotypical", said Tracy's friend said in between her bites of spaghetti.
Tracy giggled a little bit as well. "What do you mean by that, Sarah?"
"Think about it", Sarah said leaning across the table to get closer to Tracy,
"You have the terminally ill patient, the attractive nurse, they're both in love!"
"Uh, hello!? I need said I was 'in love'...", Tracy said in desperate attempt to prevent herself from becoming a stereotype.
"Besides, that IS coming from the girl who once had three dates in one week."
"In my defense, one of them said they had to cancel, and called back last minute", said Sarah,
"That's besides the point, though. You know how emotionally attached I CAN get if I think it's the right guy."
Tracy couldn't help laughing. "You think every guy is the 'right' guy!"
Sarah squinted her eyes and glared disdainfully at Tracy.
"Tracy, Hun, you love him. You talk about Collin almost every time I ask how work was."
"What do you think love is, then, Sarah?", replied Tracy.
"Well...", Sarah said thinking hat for a moment, "Love is pationate. It has no limits. It's unconditional. Love... Love is spending your life with someone, knowing you're perfect for each other. You're each other's counterpart. Love... Love is watching someone die.", Sarah said.

     There was a long hesitation between the two friends.
"Now THAT was cheesy.", said Tracy holding back laughter.
Sarah shrugged. "It's true. Take my word for it, or not."
After their long conversation, they both finished dinner and parted ways.

[ONE WEEK LATER]

     Collin sat up excitedly in his bed when he heard the door open to his room.
To his dismay, it wasn't Tracy Simmons.
"If you don't mind me asking, where's Nurse Tracy?"
The Nurse looked at him and said, "Oh, she left on her vacation. Don't worry, she'll be back in about
three weeks. Until then, I'll be your nurse!", she said with a toothy smile.
"Ok... Thanks...", answered Collin with disappointment in his eyes.

      Tracy stretched out on the white sand to bathe in the sun. She sipped from her piña coloda
As she stared out at the vast blue stretching as far as the eye can see.
It almost seemed too perfect.
"Mind if I join you?", said a distant English accent.
She turned to see a rather attractive man with short blonde hair walking the shoreline.
"Not at all!", said Tracy, as she readjusted her seating position.
He sat down beside her with one leg extended, and the other bent so he could rest his arm on his knee. "Magnificent view.", said the man.
Her response was delayed for a second as she looked him down.
"Oh! Oh yes, it's a lovely view. Sorry."
"Haha, it's alright.", said the stranger.
There was a pause for a brief moment, before the English man said,
"You should've stayed with him."
"Excuse me?", answered Tracy wildly confused.
"You should've stayed with Collin Alexander. He's was the one.", he replied.
She got up to leave, moved by the conversation at hand.
"I'm sorry... I just-... I have to go...", Tracy said.
"Just sleep... The hardest part... Is letting go of your dreams.", said the man.
"Wake up.", said he.

     Tracy Simmons woke up frightened in her suite.
Gasping for air, she noticed her phone buzzing rythmically beside her.
"Hello?", she said picking up the phone.
After about 90 seconds, she hung up the phone, packers her things, and headed out to catch the next available flight back to her city.

     She walked up to room 409, staring at the name Alexander on the door.
The replacement nurse walked out of the room.
"I know you've worked with him for several years. In sorry, it's not looking good.", said the nurse.
At that, Tracy walked in to see weak looking Collin laying horizontally in his bed.
"It's abou time!", he said weakly, but still smiling.
She silently walked over to grab his chart, only to find that the cancer had infected his liver, and there was no surgery or medicine to cope with it.
"I'm fine, thanks for ask!", he said laughing, and then starting to cough.She looked up and said,
"It took sacrificing and weird dreams to see it, but there's something attractive about you.
You asked me if I would date you after you got out... The answer is yes! Of course I will. So please just... Stay alive... Stay alive for me...", said Tracy holding back tears.
"Glad to see we're on the same page, but remember? You said cancer is unpredictable.",
He coughed and then looked at her with pleading eyes.
"It's ok. This has to happen. The other nurse and Doctor Guilbert says I don't have but a few hours.
Better make them count I guess.".
"I wish we could've had time...", Sarah remarked through tears.
"Don't cry, Trace. It was inevitable. There was nothing you could do about it, but I have to say, I'm extremely happy to have met such a beautiful and kind nurse, such as you.", he eresponder.
She rushed overtime him.
Everything in her body screamed acheing to give him a final kiss before his departure to the afterlife, however, he quickly put his hand up to say no.
Tracy looked at home with confusion and distraught.
"Turn away. If you could get me a drink of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded." Collin said, faintly.
She handed him a glass of water, and he continued to talk.
Call my Aunt Marie, please... Help her gather all my things. Tell her to burry me in all my favorite colors. Have my sisters and my brothers come, please."
"Please, Collin..", said Tracy as she tried once again to come kiss him.
Once again, he rejected the opportunity, continuing what he was saying.
"Still, I will no kiss you. Because the hardest part of this is leaving you. No turn away, please. I'm awful just to see... All my hairs abandoned all my body..", he said staring blankly forward.
Olin winced as a sharp pain shot up his body.
"Oh! My agony...", he moaned in pain.
"Collin... Don't give up faith... You'll get better, I'll know it! Just hang on for me!", she said almost yelling.
"Know that I will never marry, Tracy!", he yelled back.
"... I'm sorry... I'm just soggy for the chemo... I'm counting down the days to go... I told ou I wanted out... This just ain't living.", he said.
"I'm telling you, pull be ok, just give a chance to work things out. We'll find someone to help you, I promise!", she cried.
"I just hope you know that if you say goodbye today, I'll ask you to be true. Because I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The hardest part of this is leaving you.", he said closing his eyes for a moment and reopening them with the rest of his body motionless.
"Collin...", she said.
"Collin?... Collin? COLLIN!". She was petrified by the aitation.
The heart rate monitor had stopped beeping normally and had slowed down to almost nothing at that moment.
She called other nurses in, but unfortunately, it appeared to be too late. He was gone.
"Time of death... 6:38", delicates Doctor Guilbert.

      Tracy stood around the coffin as it was lowered into the pit in the ground. She felt like her eyes were dry from crying for so long. She listened to the words the family members and friends wanted to say and she was eventually the only one left at the grave. When she was the only one left and whispered to him from the grave.
"Can you hear me?... Are you with me?... Can we pretend to leave and then, both our worlds collide?", she said weeping at the grave. After about an hour of mourning the death of her beloved, she left home with one phrase:


"So long, and goodnight."

Lyrics of the Day #21

"It was the last time I saw her alive
Sometimes you do things 

you need to do to survive

Oh please, don't leave me now
I'll miss you so much
Oh please, don't go away
I'm needing your touch, 

but please don't leave me now
Baby, please don't go away"- Emily (Rough Mix) by My Chemical Romance

It's Okay. I was Dead Already.

I've loved the music you showed me so much,
Yet, now everytime I hear it I can't help but think what I've lost.
Worst part is, sometimes when I'm depressed I'll even go back to it.
When I listen to it then, it truly only makes me hurt worse.
Right now I'm not sure whether in writing for therapy,
Or if I'm signing my own epitaph.
There's so many things on my mind,
And it's get harder to organize my thoughts.
Once more I turn on a song that you shared,
And once again, I feel the pain.
I feel like I've lost it all, but
Despite all of my blessings,
There are just things that aren't worth having without other things.
I would sacrifice material things for real things.
I feel like I'm missing so much.
I'll joke about depression, being emo, cutting, etc.
But I'm wondering if that's not my subconscious yearning for death.
The worst part of waking up at 3:30am isn't that I'll be tired,
It's that while I'm tired, I'll watch the empty streets.
It'll remind me of how empty I feel.
Reminds me of loss.
And then I start counting the bumps on the ceiling, again.
Why am I not surprised anymore, though?
It almost seems natural, because INTJ's aren't happy
Unless they're miserable, says the world.
Normally I would try to run up against that label,
But I think they may be right this time.
It's not really happy though,
It's more like... Negative neutral.
Whatever it is, it's worse than "okay".

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Lyrics of the Day #20

"If only sorrow could build a staircase, our tears could show the way.
I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him back home again.
Don't give up hope, my friend, this is not the end.

We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
For when he died, he took a part of you."- Suicide season by Bring Me the Horizon 

Bay Watch

They say write with conviction
Whether fact or fiction.

I'm drowning in my own mind
And my lifeguard, I swear he's sleeping.
Because every time I reach the surface,
I only hear my own cries for help, like a wounded animal.
It's bound to drawn in the predator.
I know what the predator looks like though, because I've looked in my mirror.
I've seen my reflection. The Entity staring right back through the glass.
No amount of tiptoeing or whispering will suppress the noise I make as I splash.
A splash that made no sound because nobody was around to hear it.
Yet, the ripple effect some how reached all my demons, like radio waves.
They picked up my signal and are tracking me as we speak.

They said to write with conviction,
So I wrote about affliction.

Røøm to Imprøve

I wish I had a better use for the words I write.
So many artists perfectly put their words into a song. They make so much sense where they're coming from, and their specific meanings shed light.. I wish I had that kind of creativity.
Their sense of purpose always seems so much greater, and then, I wish I could prove my points.
I wish I could say the right things, and focus on the right picture.
Words in a song just aren't enough to get my point across.
I'm in dire need of direction. I need to translate what I mean.
They way I use my words are useless to me. These artists put them to good use.
I'm starting to get repetitive, I know, but lyrics are everything to me.
Lyrics and music tell a story that you cant put in to words, and I have the hardest time writing that picture, painting that story. I hope one day I'll be able to write that well...

I Cannot Thank You Enough

Dear My Chemical Romance,
     
          There are no words to express my gratitude. By writing your music, and playing it, it has impacted me more than the world could ever know. I speak for all the fans when I say thank you for helping us get through those hard times. In It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish, you swore that you'd do to us what we did to you. You said you'd give us a lifetime, and you sure as hell have upheld that promise, because your music has helped be my crutch for a long time. Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Ray, and Bob, I cannot thank you enough, especially for the Black Parade album. You guys are amazing and all your fans miss you more than words can say.

                                                                                                                    Nick Prda