My Medical Romance

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

     The heart monitor beeped in its rythmical intervals.
It was the only thing breaking the silence between the coma patient and Tracy.
She flipped through the pages in her clipboard, sighing as she wrote down
the state of the patient.

      "No... Change... In... Physical... Or mental... State... There. Done.", she wrote down her
analyzation under the notes section.
"Nurse Simmons", said Tracy's superior,
"When you're done here, please go replace the IV drop for Mr. Alexander."
"Sure thing.", Tracy responded as she finished writing her notes.

      She walked down the hall to the cancer treatment center,
looking in each room as she passed, and halted at room 209 with the name "Alexander" under the room number.
She entered the room with a smile, and Mr. Alexander greeted her with a smile as well.
"And how are we feeling today Mr. Alexander?", asked Tracy.
"Please, call me Collin, and like I don't have cancer anymore!", he said jokingly still smiling.
"Funny, Mr. Ale-"
"Collin.", he added, stopping her midsentence.
"Collin", she smiled again,
"Unfortunately, no. We will have to continue your luekemia treatment going.".
His smile slowly turned in into a frown, but quickly redirected into a grin.
"Right. So how was your day?", Collin asked,
"Nothing special, thank you for asking.", the nurse said checking his charts.
"Nothing special?". He pretended to flip his non-existent hair. "Really?", he then said winking.
She laughed rolling her eyes and the room went silent as she wrote something on the clipboard.
He stopped smiling for what seemed like a good 60 seconds before he asked her,
"How long before I can leave,Tracy?".
She frowned.
"Hard to say. Cancer is unpredictable. However, I'm sure you'll be fine.", she said trying to avoid painful eye contact.
"You've been my nurse for years, and I greatly appreciate that, but you are terrible at lying!", he said chuckling.
She looked up, shrugged and grabbed an IV bag to replace the near empty one beside his hospital bed.
He interrupted the silence. "Would you go out with me?".
She what she was doing frozen in place for a few seconds, the said,
"Collin. You know you're hospitalized, right?". She continued to replace the bag.
"I'm talking about after I'm out of this God forsaken bed.
You said you were confident that I'll be fine.", he said looking at her somewhat sarcastically.
She paused for a moment to ponder the question.
"I'll consider it.", she told him as she made a playful smirk.
He leaned back onto his pillow smiling. "Alright.... Allllright...".

      "My gosh... That's so... Cheesy. Very stereotypical", said Tracy's friend said in between her bites of spaghetti.
Tracy giggled a little bit as well. "What do you mean by that, Sarah?"
"Think about it", Sarah said leaning across the table to get closer to Tracy,
"You have the terminally ill patient, the attractive nurse, they're both in love!"
"Uh, hello!? I need said I was 'in love'...", Tracy said in desperate attempt to prevent herself from becoming a stereotype.
"Besides, that IS coming from the girl who once had three dates in one week."
"In my defense, one of them said they had to cancel, and called back last minute", said Sarah,
"That's besides the point, though. You know how emotionally attached I CAN get if I think it's the right guy."
Tracy couldn't help laughing. "You think every guy is the 'right' guy!"
Sarah squinted her eyes and glared disdainfully at Tracy.
"Tracy, Hun, you love him. You talk about Collin almost every time I ask how work was."
"What do you think love is, then, Sarah?", replied Tracy.
"Well...", Sarah said thinking hat for a moment, "Love is pationate. It has no limits. It's unconditional. Love... Love is spending your life with someone, knowing you're perfect for each other. You're each other's counterpart. Love... Love is watching someone die.", Sarah said.

     There was a long hesitation between the two friends.
"Now THAT was cheesy.", said Tracy holding back laughter.
Sarah shrugged. "It's true. Take my word for it, or not."
After their long conversation, they both finished dinner and parted ways.

[ONE WEEK LATER]

     Collin sat up excitedly in his bed when he heard the door open to his room.
To his dismay, it wasn't Tracy Simmons.
"If you don't mind me asking, where's Nurse Tracy?"
The Nurse looked at him and said, "Oh, she left on her vacation. Don't worry, she'll be back in about
three weeks. Until then, I'll be your nurse!", she said with a toothy smile.
"Ok... Thanks...", answered Collin with disappointment in his eyes.

      Tracy stretched out on the white sand to bathe in the sun. She sipped from her piña coloda
As she stared out at the vast blue stretching as far as the eye can see.
It almost seemed too perfect.
"Mind if I join you?", said a distant English accent.
She turned to see a rather attractive man with short blonde hair walking the shoreline.
"Not at all!", said Tracy, as she readjusted her seating position.
He sat down beside her with one leg extended, and the other bent so he could rest his arm on his knee. "Magnificent view.", said the man.
Her response was delayed for a second as she looked him down.
"Oh! Oh yes, it's a lovely view. Sorry."
"Haha, it's alright.", said the stranger.
There was a pause for a brief moment, before the English man said,
"You should've stayed with him."
"Excuse me?", answered Tracy wildly confused.
"You should've stayed with Collin Alexander. He's was the one.", he replied.
She got up to leave, moved by the conversation at hand.
"I'm sorry... I just-... I have to go...", Tracy said.
"Just sleep... The hardest part... Is letting go of your dreams.", said the man.
"Wake up.", said he.

     Tracy Simmons woke up frightened in her suite.
Gasping for air, she noticed her phone buzzing rythmically beside her.
"Hello?", she said picking up the phone.
After about 90 seconds, she hung up the phone, packers her things, and headed out to catch the next available flight back to her city.

     She walked up to room 409, staring at the name Alexander on the door.
The replacement nurse walked out of the room.
"I know you've worked with him for several years. In sorry, it's not looking good.", said the nurse.
At that, Tracy walked in to see weak looking Collin laying horizontally in his bed.
"It's abou time!", he said weakly, but still smiling.
She silently walked over to grab his chart, only to find that the cancer had infected his liver, and there was no surgery or medicine to cope with it.
"I'm fine, thanks for ask!", he said laughing, and then starting to cough.She looked up and said,
"It took sacrificing and weird dreams to see it, but there's something attractive about you.
You asked me if I would date you after you got out... The answer is yes! Of course I will. So please just... Stay alive... Stay alive for me...", said Tracy holding back tears.
"Glad to see we're on the same page, but remember? You said cancer is unpredictable.",
He coughed and then looked at her with pleading eyes.
"It's ok. This has to happen. The other nurse and Doctor Guilbert says I don't have but a few hours.
Better make them count I guess.".
"I wish we could've had time...", Sarah remarked through tears.
"Don't cry, Trace. It was inevitable. There was nothing you could do about it, but I have to say, I'm extremely happy to have met such a beautiful and kind nurse, such as you.", he eresponder.
She rushed overtime him.
Everything in her body screamed acheing to give him a final kiss before his departure to the afterlife, however, he quickly put his hand up to say no.
Tracy looked at home with confusion and distraught.
"Turn away. If you could get me a drink of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded." Collin said, faintly.
She handed him a glass of water, and he continued to talk.
Call my Aunt Marie, please... Help her gather all my things. Tell her to burry me in all my favorite colors. Have my sisters and my brothers come, please."
"Please, Collin..", said Tracy as she tried once again to come kiss him.
Once again, he rejected the opportunity, continuing what he was saying.
"Still, I will no kiss you. Because the hardest part of this is leaving you. No turn away, please. I'm awful just to see... All my hairs abandoned all my body..", he said staring blankly forward.
Olin winced as a sharp pain shot up his body.
"Oh! My agony...", he moaned in pain.
"Collin... Don't give up faith... You'll get better, I'll know it! Just hang on for me!", she said almost yelling.
"Know that I will never marry, Tracy!", he yelled back.
"... I'm sorry... I'm just soggy for the chemo... I'm counting down the days to go... I told ou I wanted out... This just ain't living.", he said.
"I'm telling you, pull be ok, just give a chance to work things out. We'll find someone to help you, I promise!", she cried.
"I just hope you know that if you say goodbye today, I'll ask you to be true. Because I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. The hardest part of this is leaving you.", he said closing his eyes for a moment and reopening them with the rest of his body motionless.
"Collin...", she said.
"Collin?... Collin? COLLIN!". She was petrified by the aitation.
The heart rate monitor had stopped beeping normally and had slowed down to almost nothing at that moment.
She called other nurses in, but unfortunately, it appeared to be too late. He was gone.
"Time of death... 6:38", delicates Doctor Guilbert.

      Tracy stood around the coffin as it was lowered into the pit in the ground. She felt like her eyes were dry from crying for so long. She listened to the words the family members and friends wanted to say and she was eventually the only one left at the grave. When she was the only one left and whispered to him from the grave.
"Can you hear me?... Are you with me?... Can we pretend to leave and then, both our worlds collide?", she said weeping at the grave. After about an hour of mourning the death of her beloved, she left home with one phrase:


"So long, and goodnight."

Lyrics of the Day #21

"It was the last time I saw her alive
Sometimes you do things 

you need to do to survive

Oh please, don't leave me now
I'll miss you so much
Oh please, don't go away
I'm needing your touch, 

but please don't leave me now
Baby, please don't go away"- Emily (Rough Mix) by My Chemical Romance

It's Okay. I was Dead Already.

I've loved the music you showed me so much,
Yet, now everytime I hear it I can't help but think what I've lost.
Worst part is, sometimes when I'm depressed I'll even go back to it.
When I listen to it then, it truly only makes me hurt worse.
Right now I'm not sure whether in writing for therapy,
Or if I'm signing my own epitaph.
There's so many things on my mind,
And it's get harder to organize my thoughts.
Once more I turn on a song that you shared,
And once again, I feel the pain.
I feel like I've lost it all, but
Despite all of my blessings,
There are just things that aren't worth having without other things.
I would sacrifice material things for real things.
I feel like I'm missing so much.
I'll joke about depression, being emo, cutting, etc.
But I'm wondering if that's not my subconscious yearning for death.
The worst part of waking up at 3:30am isn't that I'll be tired,
It's that while I'm tired, I'll watch the empty streets.
It'll remind me of how empty I feel.
Reminds me of loss.
And then I start counting the bumps on the ceiling, again.
Why am I not surprised anymore, though?
It almost seems natural, because INTJ's aren't happy
Unless they're miserable, says the world.
Normally I would try to run up against that label,
But I think they may be right this time.
It's not really happy though,
It's more like... Negative neutral.
Whatever it is, it's worse than "okay".

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

Lyrics of the Day #20

"If only sorrow could build a staircase, our tears could show the way.
I would climb my way to heaven, and bring him back home again.
Don't give up hope, my friend, this is not the end.

We stare at broken clocks, the hands don't turn anymore.
The days turn into nights, empty hearts and empty places.
The day you lost him, I slowly lost you too.
For when he died, he took a part of you."- Suicide season by Bring Me the Horizon 

Bay Watch

They say write with conviction
Whether fact or fiction.

I'm drowning in my own mind
And my lifeguard, I swear he's sleeping.
Because every time I reach the surface,
I only hear my own cries for help, like a wounded animal.
It's bound to drawn in the predator.
I know what the predator looks like though, because I've looked in my mirror.
I've seen my reflection. The Entity staring right back through the glass.
No amount of tiptoeing or whispering will suppress the noise I make as I splash.
A splash that made no sound because nobody was around to hear it.
Yet, the ripple effect some how reached all my demons, like radio waves.
They picked up my signal and are tracking me as we speak.

They said to write with conviction,
So I wrote about affliction.

Røøm to Imprøve

I wish I had a better use for the words I write.
So many artists perfectly put their words into a song. They make so much sense where they're coming from, and their specific meanings shed light.. I wish I had that kind of creativity.
Their sense of purpose always seems so much greater, and then, I wish I could prove my points.
I wish I could say the right things, and focus on the right picture.
Words in a song just aren't enough to get my point across.
I'm in dire need of direction. I need to translate what I mean.
They way I use my words are useless to me. These artists put them to good use.
I'm starting to get repetitive, I know, but lyrics are everything to me.
Lyrics and music tell a story that you cant put in to words, and I have the hardest time writing that picture, painting that story. I hope one day I'll be able to write that well...

I Cannot Thank You Enough

Dear My Chemical Romance,
     
          There are no words to express my gratitude. By writing your music, and playing it, it has impacted me more than the world could ever know. I speak for all the fans when I say thank you for helping us get through those hard times. In It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish, you swore that you'd do to us what we did to you. You said you'd give us a lifetime, and you sure as hell have upheld that promise, because your music has helped be my crutch for a long time. Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Ray, and Bob, I cannot thank you enough, especially for the Black Parade album. You guys are amazing and all your fans miss you more than words can say.

                                                                                                                    Nick Prda

WWII Letter

My Dearest Valentine,
    
    Not a single day passes by, in which I do not dream of your company. I long for another kiss, another touch. The war treats us the worst it can. Every night I lay dormant, but not asleep, for I can here the planes soaring above, as we hide for our dear lives. You are the last thing I hold onto, because, darling, reality is so far for comfort. We'd all agree that sleep is too close for comfort, anyway. It seems that nothing else matters. I swear that every puddle of water, every brass casing from our bullets, every knife... I se your reflection dearest. But alas, the torment does not stop there. In the midst of war, I swear I see you. Like my dreams, sometimes I fight the urge to chase after you. I am told I must focus on the task at hand. Remember that the reason I can to this place was to keep you safe. You tol me before I left, that any man or boy could have taken my place, but no man will ever take the place of your protected as long as I'm alive. Above all else, remember that I love you. I lack to resources and the time to keep writing, but I will always be with you in your heart. I will see you soon. I count every second away from you. We'll get married as soon as I get back. I miss you.

                                           Yours truly,
                                           Mason Woodruff




Mason Woodruff
Age: 18
DOB: January 10, 1924
Enlist Date: January 23, 1942
Rank: Private


Ms. Valentine Gardener,

     After studying our records on previous whereabouts, I must regretfully inform you that Private Andrew Mason, nor his platoon have checked in at their Rendez vous point. I must therefore, by the evidence of the United States Army, declare Mr. Mason

K.I.A.

Our condolences go out to you Ms. Valentine. Your fiancé with forever be honored as a hero, and will be known by the citizens of the United States for making his sacrifice to aid the Union it their attempts to keep our homeland safe.

                                             Sincerely,
                                             Gen. Geroge S. Patton

Breach in My Armor

I felt every imperfection on the dull knife. I felt every imperfection making this world a million more times less appealing to stay in. A lack of beauty. The precise outlines of the mountains, or the waves crashing out against each other in the vast blue only serve the purpose of providing a place for my blood to flow. This temptation has haunted me for weeks since the last time we met. I reject sympathy. I reject company, even in the midst of my loneliness. Sometimes I have to bleed to know that I'm alive an have a soul. Other times I feel like a ghost, but not the only one. I see others flaunting their dull gray colors. Each color reflection the poison choking nearly every living ounce of their joy. It makes it o' so painful to crack that smile long enough to put out our facades and fool only the ones who subconsciously choose to be ignorant. They choose it when they wake up, and I don blame them one bit, because misery loves company.  Living only seems like a death march now, while I march to my own drum, with my own gun pointed to my back. Because every second, EveryLetterHere is one more moment closer to my demise. My soul will carry on, but I'm so ready to leave this vessel, when the time comes.